Mom's Nag Pad: Advice

Dear Mom's Nag Pad:

"My mom tends to go overboard with chores around the house. She always insists that we be cleaning something. Sometimes it's the end of a long day or the beginning of one, and instead of letting me rest she asks why I'm not neatening up something. Sometimes I don't have time to clean up, but all she cares about is a neat bathroom. How do I get her to realize that sometimes I'm too tired or don't have time to clean up?" Anonymous Teenager

Dear Anonymous Teenager,

I don't live in your house so I can't say that your mom is asking you to do too much. I'm sure you think she is because keeping a clean house is not at the top of your priority list. Put all your cards out on the table and sit down with your parents. Everyone should look at what you're being asked to do and consider if the number of chores should be reduced, but be fair. Maybe it seems like you're being asked to do too much because you aren't doing the assigned chores, which means they are after you a bit more to get the work done. Don't expect your parents to take care of the family home exclusively. You live there too and taking care of the home should be everyone's responsibility.

"My five year old just hates to brush her teeth with toothpaste. I'm worried she's not getting enough flouride. Does she really need the toothpaste?"

I don't think so. The important thing is whether or not she brushes to remove food and prevent plaque build up. While the toothpaste does freshen the breath and provide some flouride, she probably gets more from her drinking water. Encourage her to brush at least two times a day, floss, and be sure she sees her dentist at least once a year for a good cleaning. You might also want to experiment with other toothpaste flavors to see if you can find one she likes.

"We just dropped our oldest off at college more than 1,200 miles away. She's already homesick and wonders if she's made a big mistake. She received a good scholarship to this school and if she came home, her viable financial choices would not provide the arts major she wants. How can I help her?"

If you're sure she's not suicidal and it's just good old fashioned homesickness, remind her why she chose the school in the first place; the program and what she'd like to achieve in the end. Send a shout out to the rest of the family and encourage them to write and email to keep her in touch with family activities and happenings. The most important thing you can do is be there to listen to her fears and apprehensions. With that kind of support, in time, you'll be hearing about her achievements and the fun she's having with other friends. If you think the problem is more serious and she needs someone to talk to, check into available counseling at her school.

Most kids are homesick during their first year of college. But if you can get them through the first semester, they'll probably be just fine.

"My mother and my sister can't stand each other and I'm tired of being in the middle. My mother disapproves of just about everything in my sister's life and I'm constantly being drawn into the battle. She thinks that if my sister has a cleaner house, all her problems will magically disappear. How can I continue to have a relationship with both and preserve my own sanity?"

By laying some ground rules to begin with. Tell them both you'll always be there for them if they need to talk, but you're not going to take sides. You also need to realize that just because you're family doesn't mean you're friends. You don't have to spend time together, or even like each other. It sounds like your mom and sister are oil and vinegar. Even if you shake em up or put them in a blender, they just won't mix!

"How do you handle people and their rude behavior in public? My five-year-old and I were in a McDonald's today when a woman, her two teenage daughters and three toddlers came in. She got into an argument with the young man at the counter over getting a cup of ice water. Then she let loose with the most incredible filth I've ever heard come out of anyone's mouth. The truly sad part was that her young teenage daughter took part. She was eventually given the water and they left. I covered my daughter's ears with my hands."

If there were no police officers available, then the staff did the only thing they could by giving this piece of work what she wanted and sending her on her way. She sounds like a nutcase. There are times, in public, when you can ask someone to cease using inappropriate language around your child, but sometimes it's clear that the situation is volatile and could escalate. When in doubt, just remove yourself from the situation. It's not worth risking injury to yourself or your child.

"My fifteen year old has not gotten her period yet. Should we be concerned?"

Actually, girls aren't considered 'late' with their menstruation cycles until they're sixteen. Many things influence when a girl begins, including heredity. Check with your pediatrician, and ask other female family members when they started. Maybe it runs in the family. If a girl gets to be sixteen and she still doesn't have a period, your pediatrician will probably want to do a few tests to see if there's a problem.

"My son is overly friendly with strangers. While I want him to be polite, he holds out his arms to be held by others, will let anyone pick him up and becomes best friends with any child who comes along. Is there something wrong with this behavior or am I looking at a future politician?"

My first two daughters were so shy it took a bottle of Mazola and a spatula to dislodge them. However, my third almost left me one day for the security guard at the Picadilly. Every child is different, and while it's great that he's friendly, your son should be given lots of guidance on acceptable behavior when it comes to strangers. Of course other adults will be enchanted with a toddler who wants to be held and cuddled, but not all smiling adults at a family restaurant are friends. Explain to your son in age appropriate language that waving and saying hello is okay, but hugs and sitting on laps are things he should save for mom, dad, grandparents, etc.

"My husband constantly complains about the kids toys being all over the place. They're only two and three, but he thinks they should be picking up after themselves. I disagree."

I agree with your husband. Children as young as two and three can begin helping with minimal chores in their home, and there's no great expertise needed to toss toys into a basket or bin. If you don't start teaching them to clean up their surroundings now, you might end up with teenagers whose bedrooms could double as biohazards, and you can change your name from 'mommy' to 'lifetime maid'.

Got a comment? Need some advice? Maybe you have a helpful tip you'd like to share? We'd love to hear from you. Please drop us a line at info@momsnagpad.com!

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